Moving On

 

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It’s so easy to say, “Let the past be the past. Forgive and forget and move on with your life.” Or “If you dwell on the past you’ll never be able to move forward.”

Wow are these statements true! If we continue to remind ourselves of all the times someone has lied to or wronged us, we will never be able to reach our full potential or full happiness.

Why is it so hard to remove the hurt from those past experiences?! Sometimes I wish I could scrub my brain of all the painful memories that resurface from time to time. The circumstances to which someone took advantage of my kindness and gullible nature. The times that I was too quick to forgive and move on, but didn’t resolve it fully so it still plagues me. The moments that left a scar in my soul and kept me from being able to live joyfully.

I am a shell of “everything is perfect” on the outside, while my mind is secretly working 100 miles an hour to pick apart everything that I’ve ever experienced.

General anxiety at its finest.

These are the emotions of someone that has been abused. And they are dealt with daily.

You’ve been lied to about what they were doing, who they were with, and where they were. You’ve been cheated on, cursed at, spit on, beat on, and blamed.

The survivors that are lucky enough to make it out alive are left with pieces of themselves that no longer fit. We must gently work to put ourselves back together. Healing and learning how to live again. Finding a place that we belong. Finding others that understand us. Finding joy.

We need to find the strength to let go of the past so that we can see clearly ahead. This doesn’t mean that you condone the way that person treated you, it just means that you are going to rise above it and no longer allow them to control your train of thought. I am going to purge myself of the negative impact from situations that are far gone and out of my control. It’s time for us to focus on what lies ahead.

~Christa G.

Helpless

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We’ve all been there. Woke up and it was a perfectly normal, happy day. Traveled to work with no incident. Maybe an hour or two goes by, also without incident. And then, suddenly, without any warning, a customer or a client forces an unhappy confrontation that throws the rest of our day into utter turmoil. Nothing seems to go right. We spend the rest of our day on edge, just trying to claw our way back to that feeling of normalcy.

I have been having these days all too often lately. The slightest offense will drive me into an uncontrollable irritability. I’ll come home with so much anger boiling inside of me, until I finally erupt in a fit of bitter tears for seemingly no reason at all, hiding myself in my bathroom, ashamed to display such childishness in front of my husband. I know, deep down, I’m still not over the manipulation I experienced in my childhood from my church. I’m still not over the years of psychological and emotional abuse I experienced from my subsequent boyfriends. I’m still not over the resulting self-deprecation and fears I carry around with me every day like a heavy weight on my shoulders.

I’m physically free from all of that abuse, but my mental liberation is still a work in progress. I still minimize everything I went through. I am continually holding myself back by recycling in my head every negative thing ever said to me. I can’t even take my own advice when I suggest to others to work on loving ourselves better or to stop abusing ourselves or to practice power poses. It’s so easy to give advice out, but to follow that same advice when you’ve made a habit of tearing yourself down, is something else entirely.

That’s why I absolutely love that quote in its beautiful simplicity. My sister posted this on her Facebook wall today and when I read it, it just clicked with me. A surprising revelation swept over me. Why do I let these outside forces influence my happiness? For a person who needs stability and structure, I take so much stability away from my life by letting unpredictable circumstances govern my overall contentment. Just like when I realized my ex needed to get out of my life for me to take back control, I need to let go of the pull that these outside influences have over me.

Yes, we all have good and bad days. I expect I will never be able to stop the sensation of having a “bad day,” but I want to be able to respond better to those bad moments. I don’t want to feel myself lose control to the emotions raging inside of me because I find myself helpless again. I’m going to take back control. Whatever it takes. If I need to meditate, I will seriously start practicing meditation. If I need to go back to counseling, I will go back. Healing is never just an overnight thing.

If you are also working on healing after leaving an abusive relationship, please share your thoughts. What do you find helps you the most?

~Lindsey V.

Desensitized America

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Donald Trump’s words are not just “naughty” or “dirty” but are the epitome of rape culture, and it’s an insult to women to compare his remarks to a fictional story.

Let me put it simply for those that cannot seem to grasp the difference between talking about sex and boasting about sexual assault.

  1. He boasted about forcing himself on women!
  2. He boasted about forcing himself on women because he’s famous and can get away with it!
  3. He boasted about forcing himself on women!

I can’t say it louder or more clear. Any time someone forces themself on you, grabs you without your consent, kisses you without your consent, does anything to you without your consent, it is SEXUAL ABUSE!

50 Shades of Grey is a fictional novel about a girl and a guy and all the sex they have . . . together . . . consensual . . . not forced. We can definitely say the sexual relationship in this novel is not entirely healthy and there is definitely a power struggle between the two characters. The man is rich and powerful. The woman is not. But we don’t need to go into all the semantics of this fictional relationship and the fictional sex that goes on in this FICTIONAL story. This novel and all the women who have read it, are not on trial here. Trump’s disgusting, perverted behavior is on trial. We have proof of him bragging about committing illegal acts. Why is this okay? The fact that this rapist (yes, I said it, if you have any doubt, read this article) is still in the running for President of the United States just shows how rape culture is a real thing. And the fact that this grotesque blob of a vile human being can’t even give a proper apology without trying to defer blame or minimize his transgressions, shows how manipulative and abusive he truly is.

Let’s recap. He bragged about how his power allows him to just walk up to a woman and kiss her or grab her by the pussy or whatever, because they just “let” him do it. Yet he says he doesn’t even wait. So I have to ask this ignorant little man, in what time between you not waiting to move in on a woman and just straight up kissing her or forcing yourself on her, does she have a chance to “let” you do these things? Oh, that’s because she’s not LETTING you do these things to her, she just has to take it, because you’re a star. No, you’re a rapist and a pervert and need to be in jail.

To compare degrading remarks, blatant sexual assault, and the exploitation of his own daughter to a fictional story is just as insulting to women everywhere. It is the reason rape culture exists. Everyone who is ready to find some type of excuse as to why his actions weren’t “that bad” are also part of the problem. Until we expect men to be held accountable for their actions, instead of blaming the victim for either being too drunk or dressing too provocatively, men like Trump will continue to have “locker room” discussions about exploiting those weaker than them.

We have become desensitized, expecting judges to show leniency on privileged white boys who rape women behind dumpsters. We are growing numb to the continued injustice of it all. Like a woman in an abusive and manipulative relationship, we are losing sight of our individuality and have made too many compromises in order to keep the peace. No more. We must break out of this dangerous relationship with rape culture and start holding men like Donald Trump accountable for their actions.

 

~Christa G. & Lindsey V.

 

 

Tender Hearts

 

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We live in a self-centered society, where a good amount of the people in it refuse to see past the nose on their face. Where selfishness and personal gain outweigh the ability to show compassion and kindness. A society that can be toxic for the tenderhearted.

I have always been one to pour my heart and soul into everything and everyone around me. I encourage friends and loved ones to follow their dreams. I support local businesses and friend-owned businesses, and pour my best into always uplifting and promoting them. I try to be a light in a, far too often, dim world. Unfortunately, when the realization sets in, that not everyone upholds these values at the same level you do… it can be disheartening. You never know what someone is going through at any given time, and social media profiles are the worst way to gauge whether or not someone has it all together.

BE KIND ALWAYS.

Don’t let the callousness of others drain the ability to always see good, from your heart. Don’t allow a bitter spirit to take away your joy. Continue giving. Continue loving. Continue being you. You may just be the bright difference that someone needed in their day. Light and love to you all.

~Christa G.